It seems like there’s always some new kind of insane, mind-blowing climax women
are supposedly experiencing. From g-spot orgasms, to third-level
orgasms, to cul-de-sac orgasms, you can’t help but feel that you’re not
measuring up with your respectable pleasure quiver
… or lack there of.
Let’s not get so infatuated with the climaxes that Cosmo thinks
we should be having that we’re ashamed of the orgasms we actually are
having, or only having once in a blue, vibrating moon. These types of
orgasms seem far more attainable and realistic to us:
1. The flair climax. It’s not quite a fake one, but
it’s not quite the howling, moaning clawing affair you’re making it out
to be. Eh, no harm, no foul. A little climax flair never hurt anyone …
besides the next door neighbors.
2. The “really wish I was orgasming” faked climax. For
whatever reason, a legit climax is nowhere on the horizon. Maybe you
find it difficult to come in general, or you’re having a great time but
the Big O just isn’t in the mood to make an appearance, or the s*x is
mediocre and you’re over it — but sometimes a fake climax is in order.
The best fake orgasms — yes, we said “best fake orgasms” — are the ones
where you really commit and channel the real thing. Meditate on that
shit, make it authentic. And, maybe just maybe, if you’re lucky the act
of faking it may actually make ye ol’ real climax come out of hiding. Hey, it’s been known to happen.
3. The “let’s get this over with” climax. s*x is fun
and all, but when a new episode of “Scandal” is starting in 10 minutes,
it’s time to hit the gas and head straight for the finish line. These
orgasms are still good — hell, sometimes they’re great — but they’re
more about finishing the job than basking in any sort of post-coital
afterglow. Pass the remote!
4. The SURPRISE! climax. Many women have a tough
time climaxing, especially from man-hood-in-v**ina s*x, and if you’re
one of those women, you may find yourself expecting not to hit
the big O. But sometimes, seemingly out of nowhere, the stars align, his
man-hood is hitting just the right spot, and BAM! Hello there, climax,
did not expect to make your acquaintance this evening, but so very glad
you showed up!
5. The waterworks climax. True fact: sometimes your
cli**ris is directly connected to your tear ducts. You might want to
remind your partner of this next time you’re in the throes of pleasure
one second, and reaching for a box of tissues the next. Let your tear
ducts have their release.
6. The boregasm. You’ve been snowed in all afternoon
watching TV or studying for an obnoxious test or suffering from
writer’s block and you’ve hit your limit of “distraction activities.”
Well, almost hit your limit. There is one more thing that will make you forget all about your current situation.
7. The sad climax. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “I laugh so I won’t cry.” The same goes for orgasms.
8. The “go the f**k to sleep” climax. Evening yoga,
warm milk, a hot bath and still you’re tossing and turning. Nothing will
tire you the hell out as much as chasing an climax. Hopefully, you can
catch it alone, or with some help.
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